This Drifting Excrement Was Far Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Year.

As we reflect on the TV offerings of the recent year, a handful of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with woeful writing, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. For a moment, as the final series began, it looked like it had at last hit its stride. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner declared this would be the last series. It ended on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, viewers undeniably had a hoot picking apart every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the least of this drama's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon zero star review, it was hard to know where to begin listing the flaws. The laughably wooden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and consumption? The seemingly wilful procession of tropes? Acting so poor they felt almost spiteful? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and forget about this show again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the restraining orders, abuse claims and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but dismissive narcissist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we knew it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy figures meeting in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing accents. But there were many other issues. Mainly that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which seemed a bit basic.

With Love, Meghan

Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s performatively angry commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into quaint homemaking as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a meme for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Instead, the viewing was like consuming a sales brochure. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too confusing to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt icky.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the smart recruitment of talented younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a single joke stretched to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled with care. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from strangely jaunty, slightly stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A complete mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for sexual exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.